And why we need to stop misusing scripture to silence struggling couples
What if the real problem in Christian marriage isn't that we've forgotten what Jesus said...but that we've misused what He didn't say?
Let’s be honest—Jesus didn’t say a whole lot about marriage. But He said a whole lot about how we’re supposed to treat each other: with humility, forgiveness, faithfulness, and sacrificial love. And those commands apply just as much—if not more—to marriage than any other relationship.
Because marriage is meant to reflect the love between Christ and His church.
When Scripture Gets Misused
I can’t tell you how many hurting people I’ve talked to—wives and husbands—who went to their church for help and left feeling more ashamed and trapped than before.
Why? Because they were met with a handful of verses used out of context:
- “Wives, submit to your husbands.”
- “God hates divorce.”
- “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”
And behind it all? A subtle message that says, If your marriage is struggling, it must be your fault.
· We’ve twisted the idea of male “headship” into something Jesus never modeled—control, dominance, silence.
· We’ve reduced submission to a weapon instead of a mutual act of reverence (Ephesians 5:21).
· We’ve used “God hates divorce” (Malachi 2:16) to shame women who are being betrayed, abused neglected, or emotionally crushed—when that passage was actually confronting men for treacherously discarding their wives.
What We’re Ignoring in Scripture
Meanwhile, entire portions of the Bible that speak directly to how we should live and love get ignored in marriage conversations.
We overlook:
- 1 Peter 3:7 – “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way… so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
- 1 Corinthians 13 – “Love is patient, kind… it does not dishonor others… it is not self-seeking.” (How often is this read at weddings—and then completely forgotten in daily life?)
- Proverbs 31 – A strong, wise, hardworking, decision-making wife… who is praised, not silenced.
- The entire biblical narrative that shows God’s heart for the oppressed, the wounded, and the repentant.
Jesus didn’t turn away the brokenhearted. He didn’t excuse sin, but He never used shame to keep people trapped in it.
So why would we?
Why I became a Christian Marriage and Parenting Coach
I started Faithful Family Coaching because couples don’t just need cliches and date-night ideas.
They need help navigating betrayal, disappointment, disconnection, and conflict in a way that reflects Jesus—not just in theology, but in practice.
Your marriage wasn’t meant to survive on image management or silent suffering.
It was designed to reflect Christ’s kind of love: truthful, self-giving, gracious, and rooted in covenant—not control.
You’re Not Alone—And You’re Not Failing
If your marriage feels broken, don’t believe the lie that you’re failing God.
What He wants is not perfection—but a heart willing to grow, heal, and love in truth.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Here’s how I can walk with you:
Join the Authentic Christian Families Facebook group – A safe space for encouragement, real conversations, and biblical wisdom for your marriage and family. Authentic Christian Families | Facebook
Explore my coaching packages – I offer Christ-centered support for individuals and couples facing betrayal, disconnection, or just the need to rebuild something deeper. See all coaching packages at faithfulfamilycoaching.com.
Jesus didn’t just call us to stay married.
He called us to love as He loves.
Let’s learn how to live that out—together.
Tanja Rouintree is a Christian marriage and parenting coach helping families heal, reconnect, and thrive through Christ-centered guidance. Drawing from her background in education and her certification in life and mental health coaching, Tanja walks alongside couples and parents navigating the pain of betrayal, addiction, and disconnection. With nearly 40 years of marriage, five grandkids under one roof, and a deep personal journey of redemption, she offers compassionate, practical support rooted in Biblical truth and real-life experience.
