There’s a line that’s stayed with me: We grow where we feel safe.
A child doesn’t flourish just because they’re taught—they thrive because they’re loved. And our souls? Not all that different, really.
Spiritual growth isn’t fueled by pressure. It’s not about trying harder or checking more boxes. We grow when we feel safe enough to be honest... to be seen. To be known without fear.
That’s why this matters—because a lot of us are trying to grow in our relationship with God while quietly carrying wounds that impact how we relate to Him.
If your faith has ever felt stuck—not because you doubt God, but because you can’t seem to feel close to Him—then this is for you.
What Is Attachment... and Why Does It Matter in Your Faith?
Attachment is about the emotional bond we form with our earliest caregivers. It’s how we first learn whether relationships are safe, whether we’re lovable, whether someone will be there for us when we need them.
Curt Thompson puts it this way:
“We come into the world looking for someone looking for us.”
And when that gaze is missing—or inconsistent—something inside us adapts. We learn to protect ourselves. To strive. To retreat. To perform.
But those patterns don’t just stay in the past. They follow us. Into adulthood. Into friendships. Into marriage.
And yes... even into how we relate to God.
Psychologist Todd Hall calls this the attachment filter. It’s like a lens that colors our view of others—and of God. That quiet sense of distance some of us carry? The feeling of, “I know God loves me, but I don’t feel it?”
That’s the filter talking.
Four Attachment Styles—and How They Shape Your Faith
Let’s look at how each style might show up in your relationship with God. You may see yourself clearly in one. Or a mix. That’s normal.
🔶 Anxious Attachment: Craving Closeness, Fearing Distance
This one’s marked by a deep fear of abandonment.
If this is you, you might…
- Work hard to feel God’s presence
- Worry you’ve done something wrong when things feel quiet
- Constantly wonder, “Am I enough?”
Even though you know God loves you, it’s hard to relax into it. You might feel like you’re always striving. Like the relationship depends on your performance.
🔷 Avoidant Attachment: Believing Without Connecting
Avoidantly attached folks often value independence. Control. Logic. They believe in God—but emotional connection? That can feel foreign.
If that’s you, you might:
- Feel more at home in theology than in prayer
- Keep things surface-level in your spiritual life
- Struggle to let yourself be comforted by God
God might feel like an idea to grasp—not a Presence to rest in.
🔶 Fearful (Disorganized) Attachment: Wanting Connection, Fearing It
This style is... conflicted. There’s a push and pull.
You long for closeness—but it scares you. You approach God—but then pull back. There’s a deep desire to trust... tangled up with a deep fear of being let down.
If this is your story, know this: it’s not rebellion. It’s protection. Born from pain. And it can heal.
🔵 Secure Attachment: Trust, Even When It’s Quiet
This is the goal. Not perfection—but peace.
With secure attachment, you:
- Trust God’s presence, even when you don’t feel it
- Feel safe being honest in prayer
- Know you’re loved, even when life is messy
It doesn’t mean you never wrestle. It just means you don’t feel like you have to hide.
So... What Does Secure Attachment to God Feel Like?
It feels like rest.
Like not having to perform.
Like being able to say, “This is hard,” without fear.
It feels like presence—even in the silence.
Like being held—not for what you bring, but for who you are.
And here’s the good news: secure attachment isn’t a personality trait. It’s something that grows. Through experience. Through healing. Through connection.
A Practice That Helps: Immanuel Journaling
If you’re looking for something simple—but powerful—to help deepen your sense of connection with God, try Immanuel Journaling.
It’s a prayerful journaling practice that helps your nervous system experience God as safe, loving, and present.
🖋 How to Practice It
- Ask Jesus a question
→ Something like, “Where were You in that moment?” - Wait and notice
→ What thoughts, images, or feelings arise? Let it come. Don’t force. - Write it down
→ It doesn’t have to be pretty. Just capture what you notice. - Respond to Him
→ Be honest. Let yourself talk back—really. - End with gratitude
→ “Thank You for being with me—even then.”
Do that regularly, and you’ll start to notice something shifting. Not overnight. But over time, your heart starts to believe what your head has always known:
You’re not alone.
You’re loved.
You’re safe.
Final Thought: You Were Made for This
If your relationship with God has felt distant... complicated... or hard to trust—take heart.
You’re not defective. You’re just carrying a story.
But that story can heal.
And healing doesn’t begin with effort.
It begins with presence.
You were created for secure connection with God. To be fully known. Fully safe. Fully loved.
So take a step today.
One honest prayer.
One moment of journaling.
One conversation with a trusted friend.
And remember—Jesus is already there.
More patient, more gentle, more present than you’ve ever dared to hope.
